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Author Topic: My Satoshi Morinozuka Application  (Read 3378 times)
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DeemedRenge
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« on: August 11, 2007, 09:36:34 AM »

Sign-in Name: DeemedRenge

Age: 14

Contact Info: mrsfunjr@gmail.com

Character Applying for: Satoshi Morinozuka

Character History: Satoshi is the younger brother of Takashi (Mori) Morinozuka. Like his older brother and cousin, Mitsukuni 'Hunny' Haninozuka he's a fairly skilled martial artist who is the kendo club president and member of the karate club at Ouran Middle School. His hero is his older brother who he puts on a rather high pedistal due to his brother being more skilled then him.

His relationship with Yasuchika is a rather unique one. Generally shortly after Yasuchika shows any disrespect towards Hunny or any of the host club he's right behind him, wooden sword in hand (or fist), ready to beat the snot out of him for being disrespectful. He's not like Mori who silently watches over Hunny, but he's just there to make sure Yasuchika doesn't act like a brat.

Character Goals: I guess probably to make him a little more active and give him a little more depth. Not like randomly inserting him into RP topics but to just make sure that he's there when he is required in an RP. (Also doing this as a bit of an improvement on my acting skills '-_-)

Sample Role-play:
Third Person:
"Taka!" Satoshi called when he saw his brother standing in the parking lot of the dojo, waiting for him so they could go home. "Did Mitsukuni and Yasuchika leave already? Yasuchika got done changing before I did." Mori nodded. "He wasn't disrespectful was he?" Mori shook his head. "Good...how was the host club today Taka?"

"It was fine." Mori replied with a yawn.

"Ah." Satoshi said in a manner almost identical to his brother's. Mori chuckled. "Your tired aren't you Taka? Did that king of your's do somthing that you guys had to fix again?" Mori started cracking up.

"Is it that obvious?" he asked. Satoshi started to laugh to, though he didn't know why, probably one of those weird sibling moments.

First Person:
I'm honestly beginning to wonder. Where does Yasuchika get his disrespect from? I beat it into his skull like fifty-million times a day to be considerate of our upperclassmen who are made of awsome and epic win but he just doesn't get it! He should get it, he seems to think he gets, but he just doesn't seem to understand! >_< He can be such an idiot at times too!

Tell me again why I hang out with the idiot? Oh yeah, because if I wasn't there to knock some sense into his empty skull 24/7 who would? Certainly not Mitsukuni...and I know for a fact he doesn't get it from his brother. There's not a disrespectful bone in Mitsukuni's body.

Ah! My Satoshi senses are tingling! So now if you'll excuse me, I think you know what I need to go do...  Naughty

-Morinozuka Satoshi

Availability:
Weekdays: 4:00am-5:30am ; 6:00pm-9:00pm
Weekends: 7:00am-3:00pm

How dedicated can you be to the forum and the role-play?: I try to be as dedicated as possible, but on some days I might not pop up because I'm busy on some of the other sites I'm a member of.
« Last Edit: August 17, 2007, 07:23:54 AM by DeemedRenge » Logged
Winglica - Aerandria Community
« on: August 11, 2007, 09:36:34 AM »

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Norika Hiwatari
Chujo - 17th Guild
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I stole Kaoru's orange boxers! >3


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« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2007, 10:29:08 AM »

Hello DeemedRenge~ ^^

Well you missed something really important in your application. Please review the Rules of Roleplay. ^^ Also, I kind of can't find "Satoshi" in your application. I suggest that you review Volume 7, chapters 29 and 30. And within those chapters, I guess you can still lengthen a bit more of his history and give out more of Satoshi in your application. =)

I'll be waiting for the revised version! ^^
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DeemedRenge
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« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2007, 10:31:14 AM »

Can you give me a link to where I can read it online? I have no money and volume 7 isn't at my local bookstore.
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Winglica - Aerandria Community
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2007, 10:31:14 AM »

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silverwoulfe
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*hibernate mode* revives with chicken nuggets


« Reply #3 on: August 11, 2007, 11:20:30 AM »

Just a few things to take note of:

Quote
He looked around his room and sighed. It was to quiet.

Quote
He stuffed his homework back into his bag, grabbed his keno gear and ran off to kendo.

Ganbari~ \o/
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When you're a WINGLICAN, the possibilities are ENDLESS... 8D~
DeemedRenge
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« Reply #4 on: August 11, 2007, 11:34:53 AM »

'-_- the keno thing was a misclick in spell check. In the middle of reading chapter 30!
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Norika Hiwatari
Chujo - 17th Guild
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I stole Kaoru's orange boxers! >3


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« Reply #5 on: August 12, 2007, 04:03:19 AM »

I laughed at the Satoshi senses part. XDD

Well, in my opinion, it seems like Satoshi became kind of like Mori in your third person. :/ Also I suggest that in the first person, try to avoid using the: * *. ^^

Well, that's all I can find for now. ^^
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DeemedRenge
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« Reply #6 on: August 12, 2007, 04:06:26 AM »

Do I need to edit it again?  Angry
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Norika Hiwatari
Chujo - 17th Guild
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I stole Kaoru's orange boxers! >3


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« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2007, 04:31:35 AM »

In a way... yes. =D;; Sorry but I kind of can't still see Satoshi in your application. ^^;
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megame_chan99
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« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2007, 05:06:04 AM »

In your first person, the first two lines were redundant:

Quote
Where does Yasuchika get his disrespect from? I beat it into his skull like fifty-million times a day to be respectful but he just doesn't get it! He should get it, he seems to think he gets, but he doesn't really get it! >_<

you can use "understand" or "fathom" besides "get". And you can use "courteous" or "considerate" in place of "respect". (You don't have to exactly follow the synonyms I put here. You can look them up yourself in a thesaurus :3)

and careful with your spelling:

Quote
He can be such an idiot at times to!

Spellcheck isn't exactly handy so you have to be diligent when proofreading your work.

We'll await for your edits! \o/
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Gah. I had no idea I was nominated. XDD Thanks so much! ;__;
DeemedRenge
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« Reply #9 on: August 14, 2007, 08:11:49 PM »

I edited it again...PLEASE tell me it's maybe just a little bit better?  Angry

Also, I will work on the third person as soon as I get my question answered...
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megame_chan99
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« Reply #10 on: August 14, 2007, 08:49:46 PM »

Well, for application purposes, it is allowed to have dialog between two characters (but remember god-modding is not allowed in the official roleplay).
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Gah. I had no idea I was nominated. XDD Thanks so much! ;__;
DeemedRenge
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« Reply #11 on: August 16, 2007, 04:10:12 PM »

Thank you, I will go ahead and edit that...
Posted on: August 15, 2007, 05:47:17 PM
Are there anymore edits I need to do?
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Mirai^
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I, the Coconut Priestess


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« Reply #12 on: August 16, 2007, 04:53:04 PM »

AHAHAHA. XDDD I love it. I love it a lot. However, you're missing one vital piece. One very important piece that Kachou-sama looks at before she says, "OK!"

*cough*coughit'sintheRulesforRoleplaytopicpagewindowtypethingycough*cough*
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Licorne: JAASSSSSMMIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jasmine: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????! I"VE BEEN REPLYING TO YOU AT THE OTHER WINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!
Licorne: I DON'T SEE ANOTHER WINDOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DeemedRenge
Guest
« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2007, 10:19:13 AM »

Done and done! ^^
Posted on: August 17, 2007, 08:53:45 PM
I really think I have it down this time!! Kiss
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Mirai^
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I, the Coconut Priestess


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« Reply #14 on: August 18, 2007, 02:59:20 PM »

*stamps cheek with michan's Seal of Approval*

Yay~<33 I expect you to be extra careful with your spelling and punctuation or else I'll sic a horde of angry typo gnomes after your butt.

Oh Mochiiii... MOOCCCHHHHIIIIIIIII j00 hab j00r burazaaahh!!
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Licorne: JAASSSSSMMIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jasmine: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?????! I"VE BEEN REPLYING TO YOU AT THE OTHER WINDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!
Licorne: I DON'T SEE ANOTHER WINDOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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